Help needed - Details

[Anezka]

Assumed Level : Semi-literate

RP Example :

Mitts padded gently upon the barren loam beneath the fataline whilst azure orbs darted from side to side, taking in the surrounding territory. The ebon sky above showed signs of growing night, the sky punctured with ivory colored stars. Banner swept from left to right behind a crimson hued rump. Long pillars made traveling easier from the fem'ra, her strides long. The humid atmosphere forced the vixen into discomfort, the discomfort showing from her figgity stride and the now nervous gleam within her voids.

Ebon audlets flattened against the she-wolf's dial as she paused, talons clawing at the loam; delicate nostrils quivered as the fatale drank in the surrounding scents and scented none. Giving her shoulders a mere shrug, the fem thrust her maw heavenbound, releasing a delicate song from her vocals, the song ringing throughout the silent night.

What are you looking to improve? : Detail and trying to stop using wolf script.

How long have you been role playing? : Umm...I believe Four years. ?

[Anezka]

oO I just realized that my example it all in wolfspeak...

[Tak]

No, no, the example was fine. I wouldn't want you to give us a big fat lie about your skills; this way, we know what you can do, and what you're capable of. I think we'll work on your wolfspeaking for now, because as you move on and learn to use new words in place of those, I believe you'll do better in detail and adding length to your posts.

First, since I'm really not your teacher (I assigned Odeon to you, for reasons), I'll help you out here and there, and with things...

Okay, now, we'll start out slow. Type a few (maybe three) sentences, or take three from the example above. I want you to leave one part with wolfspeak, and the other without it. Change the words so that they are appropriate, and if you want, tell us why they aren't proper. (We'll keep it simple for the time being.)

Like, this: "A dull fem' of white hue padded with heavy mitts from the ebon' shadows of the fauna. Her opticals glowed in a wishful hope for slumber, and her banner hung limply at her heels. The heavens above could not have been darker, nor could the shadows that encircled the femmora."

I added some extra things here, to clear up anything that I took out:

"A female, with her white coat a light with sorrow padded swiftly with heavy paws. She exited the shadows of the forest, her eyes glowing wishfully. In hope for sleep, she left her tail dangling limply at her heels, and her body sagging pitifully. The sky could not have been darker, with little stars to guide her, or the shadows that encircled her lackluster frame."

Do you think you can do that?

[Anezka]

I think I can. Do you mean like this?

No editing done:

Mitts padded gently upon the barren loam beneath the fataline whilst azure orbs darted from side to side, taking in the surrounding territory. The ebon sky above showed signs of growing night, the sky punctured with ivory colored stars. Banner swept from left to right behind a crimson hued rump. Long pillars made traveling easier from the fem'ra, her strides long. The humid atmosphere forced the vixen into discomfort, the discomfort showing from her figgity stride and the now nervous gleam within her voids.

Edited:

Reddish-brown paws padded gently upon the barren ground beneath the female whilst light blue eyes darted from side to side, taking in the surrounding territory. The black sky above showed signs of growing night, the sky punctured with white colored stars. Her tail swept from left to right behind a red hued rump. Long legs made traveling easier from the she-wolf, her strides long. The humid atmosphere forced her into an unwanted discomfort, the discomfort showing from her figgity stride and the now nervous gleam within her blue eyes.

Is that what you mean?